It's hard...

...when a loved one dies. i think it's even harder when you KNOW that person is gonna die. all the last moments you should be enjoying, you instead spend moping, drooping...thinking about what ifs. my dad found out he was dying in march of 2006. the doctors gave him 6 months to live; he was gone in 4. his birthday was july 15th and he passed away on july 22nd. so, every year around this time i get the down in the dumps. to add to it, my cousin just told me yesterday that my grandfather won't last much longer. he's had three strokes in the last few weeks; the doctors say it's too many in such a short period of time and he won't last. so, john and i will take jamani and keanohn to the hospital in the morning...even though he doesn't remember ANY of us...and we'll say our goodbyes. so, my d.i.t.d. are worse this year because i'm reminiscing about my dad and also waiting for his father to join him. i've had a constant headache since my cousin told me. i don't care much about ribs and potato salad right now...can't think much about my stomach when my heart hurts so much...