10 July 2009

The hardest part...

...of losing someone you love is that...life has to go on for the living. what i mean is you've suffered this HUGE heartbreak. you feel like all the stores and schools should close for a week. it should be declared a national week of mourning. but, none of that happens. people still show up to their 9 to 5's, teachers still give pop quizzes...life goes on. and you see people who (God forgive me!) you feel are undeserving of another breath and you wonder, why, Lord? why did you take him/her and allow this idiot to continue breathing air? john and i took kea to the lakefront yesterday. i'm a HUGE homebody (i.e. hermit!) but my husband is just the opposite. so, to keep the man smiling, i go out and smell the flowers sometimes. it was beautiful. the wind was blowing so it didn't feel like we were having tea in hell. we got ice cream cones from mcdonald's and sat on the steps, watching the water, the fish jumping out of the water, the boats moving lazily back and forth, and...the two idiots whose screaming got louder and louder. ummm, one of these things does NOT belong! (YA THINK?!?) this couple (who were sitting lovingly together when we first parked) exploded in anger after we had been there for about fifteen minutes. the argument got so bad that john and i started plotting our escape if things got worse (i.e. HE decided to pull out a gun and pop a cap in her ...you know!) i guess he wasn't answering the questions the way she wanted him to because she started slapping him in the face to emphasis how upset she was. he bent down to avoid the licks and she KNEED HIM IN THE FACE! that was ALL homeboy could take because he was slapping her all OVER the place! now, let me tell you why john and i didn't hurriedly dial 911. after that first lick, she didn't grap her face in surprise; she didn't look around for help. she was ALL UP IN THERE with him like he was manny!!! you could tell that this was a regular occurence for them. after the smack down, they continued their heated discussion. it was SO SAD!!! whenever i see something like this after a tragedy, i wonder why people like that are still breathing when productive loved ones can no longer contribute to society. again, God forgive me because i know it's not for me to question...i'm just hurting right now.
WOOSAH! (deep breath!) so, even though my heart has holes in it...i have to go on. here are my newest layouts for lotus (last week's and this week's):

make sure to get over there and take part in this week's (sketch) challenge for a chance for some goodies!
i want to say thanx to all of you who have sent your condolences. do you know it's you all (in conjunction with my husband) who hold me up? i am the only one of my mother's children who had a different father. i said that to say this: my sisters and brothers haven't even called to check on me and YOU have! you have made my heart mend (some!) with your warm thoughts, prayers and comments...you're SO appreciated! another wonderful aspect of this week-peggy
gave me TWO blog awards!!!


plus, you HAVE to read the wonderful comment she wrote:

Keandra - I love you girl!!! I'm always so excited to see you've made a new entry in your blog, because then I know I'm in for a treat. Not only do you make some of the best LO's around (I adore your work!!!!), but you share so much of your personal life on your blog that I sometimes feel like I know you personally. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me feel proud of your boys, and with those pics of your food you put on your blog, a lot of the times you make me want to come over for dinner LOL. I feel this is a true friendship, and I want you to know how fortunate I feel to have met you, even though it's a cyberspace friendship!

that is SO BRUDIFUL!!!! i feel all warm inside! i really pray to God that He gives me the opportunity to meet some of my wonderful online friends in person someday (and under GOOD circumstances...you gotta be careful what you pray for!) so, in keeping with the blog award requirement, i pass these two along to:
1. julie- because she's so funny, sweet and creative...and i'm excited about meeting her in a
couple of weeks!
2. taj-because she's my girl...she holds me up on a daily basis!
3. pam- so REAL...so WARM...so TALENTED!!!
4. mands-(see pam!) we have SO MUCH in common!
5. jaime lynn-just one of the most wonderfully talented ladies i've NEVER met!

that's it for now. my grandfather's service is tomorrow. please continue to pray for us...i feel every prayer!

5 comments:

Jaime Lynne said...

I ache for you from here. And don't be hard on yourself for some of those thoughts. I have thunk the same many times, especially when we were trying to have a baby for so long and I would see parents behaving in a similar way to the couple you saw, only they would be acting that with children! It's not fair but it's OK, or at least it will be some day. You will still be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope tomorrow's service is lovely.

Thank you for the blog award. And know that I am hoping to change the title of someone you "never met" soon, perhaps November!?!

Love ya!

Peggy said...

I meant every word my sweet friend! Now, I don't have a clue as to what "burdiful" means, but I'm guessing it's a positive thing LOL. Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog, but I'm sorry to say that when we do meet, you can be sure I'll definitely act all shy with you (I just can't help it)!!! But I'll give you a little tip, that problem will easily be solved with a big hug!!!!

Don't feel bad about thinking there are people walking this earth that shouldn't, especially when good and young people are being taken. I think most if not all of us have felt that way one time or another. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow during the service, I hope it will be one that does your dad and your love for him justice.

PS I'm a hermit as well, wish we could be hermits together!!!

Hugs xxx Peggy

.charity. said...

I'm sending you many heartfelt thoughts your way....big squeezes.

Feelin' Scrappy said...

Keandra,
You are such a amazing lady! Some people are put on this earth as background players in the act of life, and then there are people like you who come on stage and steal the light. You root for them and cry for them in their times of need. I hope you know how many people you touch in this world, this life. I hope you look in the mirror with pride. You are what a lot of people strive to be. I feel like we are related or something! Its crazy!!! But I see from the comments above I am not the only one who feels a connection to you from far away. That is a true sign of what a rockin gal you are. I feel honored that you included me in your cyber awards, especially stating you think Im like you!
On another note, I totally know what you are saying about expecting the world to stop. When my mom passed my boyfriend took me to a movie to get me out of the house, and it was a funny movie, but whenever people would laugh I wanted to stand up and Yell "STOP LAUGHING, My mom just died, Dont you know????" It is certainly difficult, but luckily you have your hubby and us all to help carry you through. XOXOXOXOX
Mandy

Mireille said...

wishing you lots of strength!
lots..
*hugs*

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