29 May 2010

You know...

... my family and I are supposed to be enjoying the last night of our vacation and I just finished bawling. I decided to check my emails and saw this Facebook update

Kendall told us at our reunion last May that the doctors had given him 11 months to live...that the brain tumor he had successfully fought as a child had aggressively returned. He vowed that he would fight but God decided that it was time for that fight to end. This guy graduated with me from high school...I called him my brother...and yet I didn't make it to the hospital to see him before we left home. I told John, "We need to visit Kendall before we leave" and even though he agreed, packing...paying bills...cleaning...EVERYTHING got in the way and time ran out. And I said to myself, "As SOON as we get home..." and now there is NO MORE TIME. DANG! WHY do I keep doing this to myself???? I know part of it is that I can't STAND to see someone in pain/dying. But, I HATE the guilt I feel after NOT seeing that person even more. I have a severe headache because I ache for his young wife and young son who have to continue on without their king. I cry because of the laugh I'll never hear again. And, I promise to never again get caught off guard by time. When my God and my mind are telling me to act NOW so time doesn't screw me again...I will. And I promise to use the time I have to love on the ones I care for. In your name, Kendall....because I love you.
I promise.


Natalie Elphinstone said...

oh geez.
I am so sorry to hear about this and how it's hurting you so.
And I'm so sorry that when you checked your emails you would have found one from me that was mere whinging in comparison to these more important things going on in your life right now. And had I known you were on holidays I never would have sent it.
I think we usually find out the hard way the consequences when we ignore what God and our hearts are telling us to do but I'm so dreadfully sorry this is the lesson you're learning right now. My prayers are with you in this hard time.


Kerry said...

Your last memory of him will be a happy one. You didn't have to see him in pain. Take that as comfort. I know it must be hard and I am thinking of you sweetie xx

Chantal said...

I agree with what Kerry said. Sorry for your loss... :(

Peggy said...

So sorry for your loss Kean, and I feel so sorry for his wife, son and all of the other people who loved him and who will miss him. I know all about the guilt you're feeling right now, it's the worst kind. I'm thinking of you sweets!
Love xxx Peggy

Sasha Holloway said...

Man girl I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is very sad, I felt like that when my really close cousin passed away, and I was in driving distance and did not make it to the hospital. I felt like if only I had did this instead. I am so glad though that you have those GOOD memories of him and not see'n him suffer or in pain or in the state he was in at the hospital .. Hold on to that girlfriend ..

hugs and love to you sweets .. and thank you for your advice .. it HELPED.

KateB said...

yeah, sometimes life just gets so busy and we multitask and procrastinate and then stuff happens and we beat ourselves up...go easy on yourself; he obviously knew how much he meant to you. I feel the same way and am making usre I go see my sister in law in July on our way to vacay since I haven't seen her in 6 years and miss her too (she's battling cancer) so...no more putting it off for reasons that have nothing to do with her. Hugs girl!

Lauren said...

I am so sorry to hear this.

I do hope that God and your memories can comfort you during this difficult time.

Keep praying, and know that he is in a much better place now.

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